I'm bleeding..
Yesterday, I took the first abortion-pill. Today I'm bleeding, just a little bit. But it's gooose..:/ Well, I really hope that Cam can come to the abortion tomorrow at seven in the morning.. He means so much to me. I don't think I'm in love with him anymore but that doesn't mean that he can't be special to me!
Well, Fre*ze is a dushbag I can tell after all he has done. MOTHERF*CKER!!!! But still, he acted professional. And if I get in to the school I might even respect him for being professional.. I know I deserve to get in this school. I know that I worked hard and I know that it showed of. Come on, I did a f*cking running-test and fysical-strength-test even If I was pregnant!! I was thinking "I don't give a f*ck if my baby gets hurt, cuz I'm not gonna keep it". Sad but true...
Then there was this cute guy "V*ctor". Gosh, he was beautiful! I told him that I was pregnant, but not that It was Fre*ze that I was pregnant with.. Well, that got me thinking.. Maybe I should protect myself with something safer than a condom? I mean, I really hate everything that has to do with s*x right now, just because I'm pregnant. But I can't help the attraction I feel when I start to fall in love. And if I keep on falling in love, I just might get the guy and then It would be hard to refuse.. I should maybe do everything a little bit easier by takin the god damn "thing" that they put up in the vag*na just to be sure that I won't get pregnant for another five years..
I mean: If I get attracted to someone now after all of this.. Then It's obvious that I can't control my feelings.
Gosh, I wanted to kiss him so badly, but I couldn't. Something said stop. I think I wanted him to make the first move.. And I wasn't alowed to have s*x with anyone while doing this treatment that they gave me..
Well, Fre*ze is a dushbag I can tell after all he has done. MOTHERF*CKER!!!! But still, he acted professional. And if I get in to the school I might even respect him for being professional.. I know I deserve to get in this school. I know that I worked hard and I know that it showed of. Come on, I did a f*cking running-test and fysical-strength-test even If I was pregnant!! I was thinking "I don't give a f*ck if my baby gets hurt, cuz I'm not gonna keep it". Sad but true...
Then there was this cute guy "V*ctor". Gosh, he was beautiful! I told him that I was pregnant, but not that It was Fre*ze that I was pregnant with.. Well, that got me thinking.. Maybe I should protect myself with something safer than a condom? I mean, I really hate everything that has to do with s*x right now, just because I'm pregnant. But I can't help the attraction I feel when I start to fall in love. And if I keep on falling in love, I just might get the guy and then It would be hard to refuse.. I should maybe do everything a little bit easier by takin the god damn "thing" that they put up in the vag*na just to be sure that I won't get pregnant for another five years..
I mean: If I get attracted to someone now after all of this.. Then It's obvious that I can't control my feelings.
Gosh, I wanted to kiss him so badly, but I couldn't. Something said stop. I think I wanted him to make the first move.. And I wasn't alowed to have s*x with anyone while doing this treatment that they gave me..
Gravid 3+
Jag pissa på en Sticka nyss.. Resultatet blev "Gravid 3+". Idag är det 5/5-2012. Det var exakt 31Dagar sen som jag hade S*x med Fre*ze och exakt 20Dagar sen som jag hade s*x med San*i. Så 3veckor +? Hmm, Det var ju det högsta som graviditets-testet kunde visa... Om jag ska vara ärlig så vill jag först och främst inte vara gravid. Men nu när det är ett faktum så vill jag faktiskt att det ska vara Fre*ze som är farsa...
Igår
Jag tränade på Sats i Odenplan med Mik*. Jag sprang i en timme. Yeay! Måste öva på min kondition för att klara audition till den skola som jag vill komma in på. Innan det så sov jag lite, raka benen, gick en promenad, måla naglarna, noppade **** och armhålan..Duscha m.m....
Gråter
Jag mår fanimej inte bra just nu... Yannis pojkvän "Garfield" frågade om jag varit tillsammans med St*ven? Och jag vart chaockad över att han fråga. Jag ba "Varför frågar du det", sen sa han att han kände Mar*o, hans bästis och tjejen han var tillsammans med förut. När han sa "Tjejen han var tillsammans med förut" kom jag att tänka och undra om det var tjejen som har hans barn... Han drog och precis efter börja jag gråta, kunde inte hålla mig.. Mår skit just nu..Han behandla mig så dåligt så att det inte är sant.. Varför blev jag ens tillsammans med honom från första början? Varför kunde jag inte varit trogen mot min Bboy? Jag trodde han skulle vara den som "proved me wrong" med att det bara är min Bboy som älskar mig. Men jag hade sssåååå fel. Och det känns så hemskt. Jag vill inte komma ihåg honom längre. Det gör bara så ont... :'(
Hope I'm not pregnant!
I haven't got my period yet.. And the last day I had it was the 4April. And now it's 3Maj. So I'm kinda worried. If it doesn't come today, I might consider to do a pregnansy-test tomorrow. PLEASE! I DON'T WANNA BE PREGNANT! :(
Today I plan to do like everything on my 100-things to do list :D
Romeo And Juliet
Yesterday I went to my old school to get a dvd from my last performance in that school. It was about Romeo and Juliet. After that I hanged around with JT and her dad. I actually skipped prectis with Cam..
Dreaming with a broken heart..
Dreaming with a broookeen heaart, but waking up is the hardest part..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cufPoqE21ko
Well, It's hard when the first thing on your mind is your ex. I can't help it.. :( I even woke up in the middle of the night because of it.. Well today it's sunny outside..
Btw, I pray to god (even if I don't bealive in god) that I will get my period soon. I should get it any day now. Please, Please, Please! I don't wanna be pregnant!
IF I'm pregnant, the father could be Fr*eze or San*i. I had S*x with Fr*eze the 4April and with San*i the 15April.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cufPoqE21ko
Well, It's hard when the first thing on your mind is your ex. I can't help it.. :( I even woke up in the middle of the night because of it.. Well today it's sunny outside..
Btw, I pray to god (even if I don't bealive in god) that I will get my period soon. I should get it any day now. Please, Please, Please! I don't wanna be pregnant!
IF I'm pregnant, the father could be Fr*eze or San*i. I had S*x with Fr*eze the 4April and with San*i the 15April.
Bad cryin habit..
Diamond Blood (the movie) made me get tears.. I think that I cry to often so I tried to stop myself before I really started crying. I think this crying-thing is a bad habit..
I also felt a little bad today. I mean, what is the fu*king point with my life?
I just wanna be happy and have the greatest happines of all.. The question is..How do I get happiness?
100things to do list :)
God Morning!
Right now I got alot of freetime because I don't have a job or school. So I made up a 100things to do list for myself.
100Things to do:
1. Paint the Nails- Nailart
2. Straightening my hair
3. Shave my legs
4. Braiding my hair (with extensions)
5. Wax my p**sy
6. Take care of my skin with body-lotion
7. Take away "Stair-way to heaven"
8. Fix my eye-brows
9. Take away my "mustash"
(Gosh, it's hard being a hairy woman :P )
10. Cut of babyhair that isn't nessesary
11. Play with make up
12. Brusch my teeth
13. Put on some juleries (neckless, earings etc)
14. Look up events on Facebook
15. Read a book
16. Shoose a outfit
17. Photograf
18. Watch a movie
19. Make plans
20. Practis
21. Eat
23. Try new recipies
24. Take a walk
25. Sleep
26. Go on massage
27. Shoppin/buying stuff or food
28. Shave my head
29. Dress myself as a man
30. Paint
31. Do an "armband"
32. Clean up my house
33. Put on my contact-eyes
34. Be with my Bboy
35. Write a letter to my Bboy
36. Wax or shave the hair under the arms
37. Take off my contact-eyes
38. Stretch
39. Create goals, small goals to get to the main goal and schedules
40. Write in this Blogg
41. Sing
42. Shower
43. Go to the toilett
44. Bake a cake or something
45. Think positive
46. Wash my face
47. Take away make up
Well, I have to finish the list.. :P
Right now I got alot of freetime because I don't have a job or school. So I made up a 100things to do list for myself.
100Things to do:
1. Paint the Nails- Nailart
2. Straightening my hair
3. Shave my legs
4. Braiding my hair (with extensions)
5. Wax my p**sy
6. Take care of my skin with body-lotion
7. Take away "Stair-way to heaven"
8. Fix my eye-brows
9. Take away my "mustash"
(Gosh, it's hard being a hairy woman :P )
10. Cut of babyhair that isn't nessesary
11. Play with make up
12. Brusch my teeth
13. Put on some juleries (neckless, earings etc)
14. Look up events on Facebook
15. Read a book
16. Shoose a outfit
17. Photograf
18. Watch a movie
19. Make plans
20. Practis
21. Eat
23. Try new recipies
24. Take a walk
25. Sleep
26. Go on massage
27. Shoppin/buying stuff or food
28. Shave my head
29. Dress myself as a man
30. Paint
31. Do an "armband"
32. Clean up my house
33. Put on my contact-eyes
34. Be with my Bboy
35. Write a letter to my Bboy
36. Wax or shave the hair under the arms
37. Take off my contact-eyes
38. Stretch
39. Create goals, small goals to get to the main goal and schedules
40. Write in this Blogg
41. Sing
42. Shower
43. Go to the toilett
44. Bake a cake or something
45. Think positive
46. Wash my face
47. Take away make up
Well, I have to finish the list.. :P
JT made my day
I felt so lonely today and I really felt like crying many times. But I didn't let myself cuz I got to stop with that...
Well, I was watchin some tutorials on youtube on how to aply make up. Yeay.. Then I decides to buy a pilet with eye-shadows and go to the library and get two books about makeup. After that I meet JT <3 She's one of my best friends. Guess I'm not so lonely after all.. We took a long walk. Then we stoped to get a chocolate lyx-shake from Max. 
Feel tricked by my ex...
I woke up this morning feeling sooo bad because I felt so tricked by my ex. I have to find a way to stop thinking about him. I really hate him! I mean, I didn't force him to say all the stuff he said to me like: "I love you", "I wan't to be with you FOREVER", "I wanna take a tattoo with your name on it", "I wanna marry you <3". Then he dumped me. What a fucking bitch! He made me bealive in all this stuff he said just to realise that it all was a lie. And it doesn't help that I found out that he has a kid that is five years old that he didn't tell me about. I found that out two weeks AFTER he broke up with me! And we were together for five month. He's such a wh*re!!! I mean, why in the fuckin hell didn't he tell me?? (When we where together). The worst part is that I saved my viginaty to someone that would be worth it. And I lost it with him! I regret It all! I hate him so much! I'm so disgust that I had s*x with him! How do I do to forget that? I don't want to remember a shit!.. I hope he dies!!! I have cried so many tears for him. He's not worth them. He's a dushbag! He didn't treat me the way he way supposed to at all...
A Bgirls Diary
This is my new blogg where I'm going to write all about my Bgirl life!:
Breaking/Bboying/"Breakdance"
Goals
Love
Sex
Competitions
Everyday life
Thoughts
