abgirlsdiary -

It's my Birthday today!

I think I will be with my Bboy! <3 I love you :D
Well, I really hope Steve contacts me.. Well, if he doesn't then I know that I will always have you to catch me no matter what ;) Looove

2012-06-12 @ 00:40:09 Permalink Allmänt Kommentarer (0) Trackbacks ()

I cried and I cried...Poor Cam

Honestly I feel really sorry for Cam. Yesterday I felt soooo baad! I felt so lonely and all I really needed was Steve. I missed him and I was so sad that he hadn't answered on any on my phone-call, friend-request, mail or anything. Well, I went to practis and Freeze was there wich made me feel worse.. In the end of the practis I started crying on my way down the stairs.. Fruta and Patrik was like "Daisy..Hellow?" But I keeped on walking.. On my way home I wrote to Cam like: Your the best and I only have luck to be your friend. Then he called me. And he noticed that something was wrong even if I tried my best to hide it.. A little bit later I really started crying, and I called him. He listened to me until I stopped crying.. And that was like 3 o'klock in the night. And he had to go to work today I think.. Poor Cam..

Well, today I feel great! I'm gonna listen to Cam and my Bboy! I don't need Steve! I just have to focus on beeing good all by myself without anyone. I did it once so I can do it again! :)

I can do this! I not gonna cry again cuz I'm sick of it!

2012-06-06 @ 15:59:49 Permalink Allmänt Kommentarer (0) Trackbacks ()

Did I just do the biggest misstake of my life?

Yesterday I sent this to Steve and I have a feeling that he won't give a shit:

A letter from the bottom of my heart:

Älskling, jag har verkligen försökt gå vidare... Jag har dejtat andra killar och jag har dedikerat mig åt mina hobbys och varit på jams och en massa olika saker.. Men alla de grejerna har bara bedövat mina känslor för stunden...

Just nu är klockan 04:16 och jag kan inte ens sova eftersom att jag saknar dig. Saknaden jag haft har jag försökt dämpa genom att ligga runt med totalt sex killar. En blev jag till och med gravid med. Dock gjorde jag en abort för typ två veckor sen..

I slutändan var det ändå inte värt någonting, för jag kan fortfarande inte sluta tänka på dig. Jag önskar verkligen att det hade varit dig jag hade haft sex med och inte dem.. Om du någonsin skulle kunna tänka dig att älska mig igen, så är jag helt och hållet din till 100% ♥. Det är dig jag vill vara med och ingen annan! Det är dig jag vill spendera resten av mitt liv med.

Well, den 12juni är det en speciell dag för mig (då jag fyller år) och jag vill inget hellre än att få vara med dig just den dagen..

På tal om datum: Jag såg dig på en flyer för Solna jamet den 15:onde juni. Kul att du kör på och gör det du är bäst på ♥ Vet inte om du vill ha mig där, men jag hade jätte-gärna kommit..

Jag vill att du ska veta att jag aldrig kommer kunna älska någon annan på samma sätt som jag älskar dig. Du är mannen i mitt liv Steve. Och jag förlorade dig...

Jag vet att folk tycker det här är "desperat", "ett sätt att hunda på", "En toffel som jagar efter kille som dumpat en" eller nått. Men det skiter jag fullständigt i! För i slutändan så älskar jag dig och jag skiter i vad folk tycker om det.. / Din Bgirl

2012-06-04 @ 15:05:29 Permalink Allmänt Kommentarer (0) Trackbacks ()

I'm a tranvetit

Today practis was caceled again, Today I hang around with Jemy again and today he was kissing me in a desgusting way again... Well, all I can say is that I really need love...From Steve and no-one else, but I think Jemy was the best I could do for the moment. Today I got soooo irritaded on him "No, don't cut your hair", "Don't you like this high-heels-shoes?" and "I want to eat you" and then he said women can not "eat". So basicly what he said was that a guy is f*cking and a woman is being f*cked. Well, then fuck him! Idiot! He's not getting me in bed with all off that crap of his!

Well, I don't want to be a girl anymore. I'm wondering if I should switch gender. But I really don't like surgerys so I guess that won't happend. But I really wish that I was born as a guy. I wanna look like a guy, I wanna be like a guy! I wanna swich name and I want people to call me "He"... I wanna be a guy! I hate being a girl! Maybe I should switch contry and start over as a male? I wanna be a Bboy not a f*cking Bgirl.. I wanna have muscles and I don't wanna have a possibility to get pregnant. I wanna have the social respect that is given to you just by being a guy. I wanna be the one who are f*cking and not the one who are being f*cked.. I wanna cut my nails, I wanna cut my hair, I wanna let my hair on my legs grow and I wanna have a dark voice...
I feel like the woman in "Beautiful Boxer", my favourite movie..

I don't wanna be in the category "Woman". Two days ago Me, Cam, Kalle and Winnie made a music-video to "Shivoy" and they splitted us up: Me and Winnie. Kalle and Cam...
I really didn't like that... I don't feel like a woman. I didn't choose to become a woman!! I wanted to be with the guys. And they gave the acrobatic stuff to them! I'm so pissed off right now..and I'm sad :/

I feel so bad in this long hair that I got right now... Now everyone has stopped complaining about my hair and says that it beautiful and stuff witch makes me so sad. I wish that they could tell me like "It's time to cut your hair now, don't you think?" just like if I was a guy.. I wanna be a man...

But I'm still straight and want guys to like me.. And most guys want feminin girls. This all started when I got together with Steve. I just got insecure about myself and didn't want to risk him not to like me... I know that if I do this: Make myself look like a guy and just be myself, I would loose many guys interest. And Cam is one of them.. Once he told me that I "wasn't his type" cuz I was going to get a mohook (a hairstyle) but I knew exactly what he meant. Why else wouldn't he like me? I'm like one of his best friends and It can't be by the age-differens cuz to be honest his ex Samar wasn't so much older than me.. So he just doesn't find me attractiv.. And I don't need to wonder why...

This is so sad. Whatever I choose to do.. It's gonna be painfull...

2012-06-04 @ 01:03:28 Permalink Allmänt Kommentarer (0) Trackbacks ()