The abortion
Yesterday I went to the hospital with JT at 07:00. We were 15minutes late but they really didn't care. They gave me four small pills that I had to put into the vag*na and two pills, alvedon or ipren, to swallow. Then I had to wait.. It didn't happened anything for an hour and I thought I was blessed or something. But then I had to go to the toilett and that started everything. I didn't trow up or anything. Instead it felt like my vag*na was going to vomit.. You know the bad feeling you have before vomit? That was like my vag*na felt like. Just sick and wanted everything to be done. But to be honest I thought that it was going to be much worse. I mean today I feel great!
Anyway, I ate a little bit and JT bought me a banana <3 She stayed with me untill 14:00. She stayed with me for seven hours! She's really one of my best friend! I love her! :)
After that she went home and I went to see Cam. He actually called two times when I was at the hospital. I meet him in Vårberg. Well, after I went to the bathroom cuz I was bleeding as hell. He had a "Bulle" for me :). Well, we sat down and starte talking about Fre*ze and everything. And he asked "Did you learn anything?" and like "Use protection" wich irritaded me soo much! "I KNOW YOU MOTHERF*CKER!!!" I was thinking. But then he put a comment like "Man, I really feel like a dad to you". I thought that was cute. Well, we went to his place. Then we went out again to eat, he invited :) The food tasted good! It was like pasta with Oxfile and stuff. Then we went to his place again. At one moment he layed down on his bed and I layed down next to him. Tryin to sleep. But it didn't went so good cuz we heard a bii (creap).. Well, then we was going to Emm*'s job. Before we went there I just had to go to the bathroom and switch binda.. Then When I was going to throw it I saw two open condoms.. And then we went to her job. I asked him "Who have you been sleeping with?". At first he didn't wanted to tell me who. But then he said "S*nni".. I got hurt.. I was so sad when I heard that. What do S*nni got, that me myself, don't have? Why didn't Cam want me in the first place? Am I not attractive or am I to manly? Do have to me more f*cking lady-like to have him? B*TCH!! :( I don't know if I still have feelings for him. And he told me that he would stop smoking if Sa*ar (his ex) and him got together again wich means that he got feelings for her. And still he's sleeping with S*nni? When he said that he thought that s*x was something heligt he was just talking bullshit! Cuz now it seems like his doin it with someone he doesn't have his whole attention at.
Then we were at Emm*s place. To be real, I only wanted to be with Cam. But it was OK. After that Cam left. And I started to cry becauze of the S*nni-thing. Why didn't he love me instead? Why couldn't he have s*x with me that night month ago? Well, I think I'm honestly in love with him (and many others). Because everytime I see him I fall in love all over again. But I don't want to be in love.. Look what love has done to me! Well, Emm* didn't notice anything. We went home to here place and watch the movie "Älska mig igen". I was kinda good but not that good. Gabr*el came too. Cam called once again to see how I was feeling. Maybe he starts to like me now when I showing no interest? Well, I told him to check out the song "Bromance" that JT dedicated to me. He laughted.. After the movie we went to bed. Talked a little bit about the abortion. And falled asleep. Then I woke up. And now I'm writing this. I think I will eat breakfast now...
FUCK LOVE! / Nightsy
